Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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