So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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