I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
