My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
