so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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