Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The adults are the big ones right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
