Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
