I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
