youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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