During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
