the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
