If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
These tits shall not be calmed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
