Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
