Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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