Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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