so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize