that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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