spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sarcasm needs its own font
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
