i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
