After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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