I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
