if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
