anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize