i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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