you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
