I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
