She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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