By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
