i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
