I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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