what if every blade of grass was a penis?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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