and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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