Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
