If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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