ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
