He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
foreskin is a definite game changer
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
