why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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