Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
