I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
