I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
