I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
