take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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