this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
