; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
