i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
