any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
