im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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