My room smells like vodka and shame
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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