You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
