i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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