Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize