I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
