I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
