Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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