I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
