i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
