you win again, gameday.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
