Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
