So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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