Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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