btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
