I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
