Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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