Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Houston, we have a blender
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
