And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
