Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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