Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
