Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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