First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Im part way to drunk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
