Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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