you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
