More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
