Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
