oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
