evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
