how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
