I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
