I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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