I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
