Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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