highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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