All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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