he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
