What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
