Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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