in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
