I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
