its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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