She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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