If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
