you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize