you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
