I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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