the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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