No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
