how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
