But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
