we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
