worst night to have a conscience
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize